


So Married

by Fluterbev



Category: The Sentinel, This is Spinal Tap (1984)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Bad Puns, Crack, M/M, Not a Crossover, Silly, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-06-04
Updated: 2005-06-04
Packaged: 2017-12-24 20:10:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/944134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fluterbev/pseuds/Fluterbev
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jim and Blair go shopping.</p>
            </blockquote>





	So Married

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Sentinel Secrets in 2005. The challenge was to take an album, and use every song title in the fic. As I am a proud owner of the DVD of 'This is Spinal Tap' as well as the album, I incorporated references from that also. 
> 
> Song titles from the album are in **bold** , additional references from the movie are in **_bold and italics_** , and anagrams of Spinal Tap are underlined.
> 
> This is really very silly, but it was fun to write.

 

“…and once they got the hamster out, he had to have surgery to repair the... Jim? Are you listening to me?”

“Hm?”

“You’ve been staring at that shelf for, like, ten minutes now. Come on, choose already! Let’s get out of this **hell hole**. I _hate_ shopping in places like this.”

“I’m doing my best, here, Chief. You can’t rush this kind of decision. Buying equipment like this is serious business.”

“Jeez, man, just hurry it up already! Oh, hey, wait a minute, see that one? The one with the horn shaped handle? That reminds me of this place Naomi told me about. It’s a **sex farm**.”

“A _what_?”

“A sex farm, man. See, it was run by this guru she used to know. It was really wild. They had some amazing rituals, all based around this cult of a horned god. It really got people to shed their inhibitions. I was thinking, actually, of taking you there sometime…”

“No way! Forget it.”

“Hey, man, it’s just an idea. Broaden your horizons and all that.”

“A sex farm. Jeez, Chief, this is **America**! There are laws about stuff like that. I used to work vice, remember?”

“Hey, it’s okay, man, it’s cool. It’s near **Stonehenge**. You know, in Britain? It’s a really amazing place. On a convergence of ley-lines. It has a really powerful energy, according to Naomi. See, the pagan god they follow at the farm is one of the precursors of the modern concept of Satan. Naomi said it was like spending **Christmas with the devil**. Except that they called it Yule.”

“I swear, Sandburg, the contents of your brain never cease to scare me. You and Naomi - you’re like a couple of throwbacks to Woodstock. **Listen to the flower people** , huh, Chief?”

“What can I say? I’m just a **rock and roll creation** , man. It’s in my blood. So, how about it? You feel like giving it a try?”

“No, Sandburg, I don’t. Let’s change the subject. Focus – I’m trying to buy stuff here. What do you think of the one with the **big bottom**?”

“Shh! Not so loud! She’ll hear you!”

“I’m not talking about _her_ \- I’m talking about _this_. Get your mind out of the gutter!”

“Oh, right, I gotcha. Okay, yeah, this one looks good. Let’s go for it. Oh, and hey, let’s get those as well.”

“We going for the **heavy duty** ones again?”

“Yeah, man. They’re less likely to fall apart. You got ‘em? Good. I’ll go to the checkout. **Gimme some money** , will ya?”

“Why is it always _my_ money? Christ, I’m such a  pliant sap.”

“Come on, Jim. You do it because you love me, right?”

“I think I’ll take the fifth there, Chief… Ow! You been working out?”

“Don’t be such a wimp. Come on, Jim. Keep me company while I stand in line. And hey, let’s go to the music store after this - there’s a sale on rock and roll.”

“Rock and roll, huh? Come here, Chief. I want to whisper something in your ear.”

“Uh, yeah?”

“I’ll show you rock and roll, baby. **Tonight. I’m gonna rock you tonight**.”

“Oh, man! I love it when you talk dirty! You gonna **_lick my love pump_** , big guy?”

“Sure thing, cupcake. And ditto.”

“Man, when you start talking about **cups and cakes** , I know you mean business!”

“Eyes front, Chief. We’re up next.”

“I’ll show you _up_ …”

“Sandburg!”

“Okay, okay! Jeez, who knew that buying a new set of pans would bring out your animal side?”

“Wait till I get you home, Chief. A spilt pan will be the least of your problems.”

“I’m so scared, man – **_I’m gonna cry, cry, cry all the way home_**!”

 

 

The End (mercifully)

 


End file.
